Looking at my Reflection

That's my new hair cut and it's darker now :)

Im not scared of what i am
Im scared of not knowing what i am.

So ive pretty much sorted out my mashed up brain and have found out im not so alone in all this, i mean i may be uncertain of who i am but that doesn't mean nobody else isn't. My Mum says se thought she loved this boy when she was younger, she told me she dreamed of marrying him and being a happy family but he was just another boyfriend really. Ellie says she wanted to do Art for gcse's because she thought it was the easiest but then after her histroy lesson she was set on doing Humanities. I know these aren't the same but lots of people don't know where they stand in life, who they are supposed to be, what they are supposed to do or even who they are meant to be with. I guess m just going to have to learn that in good time.

I totally over-reactd on the hate message. Im sure i will be getting lots more so im just gonna have to try and be strong and stop being auch a wuss.


Yasmin's boyfriend broke up with her. Im sorry for her but really im not that bothered. I dont think i like her more than a friend, i think she's just nice and sweet and deserves the best guy out there. We are close, but so are me and Ellie that doesn't mean im in love with her. Friends are friends.


Sorry for not posting but i will be doing a lot more blogging now and thankyou everyone for all the hypes, comments and follows :]

basically a great song of how im feeling.

I miss my broter so much. Im with him all the way i just want him to come home. No more war, no more fighting. If he dies while fighting i will kill myself.
Yeah he calls me gay.
He calls me a geek
He pushes me around.
Says im thick.
Tells me he hates me
But that's what brothers do and he's the best thing about my life. Every time i get a letter from him my heart fills with joy, that feeling just knowing he's ok is good enough for me. And when he says i love you. Ditto.

You guys didn't have to comment and tell me to stay or hype or anything but thanks?

Im really stressed i dont know why.
When people want to quit piczo i try and make them stay because i really do love their blog im not sucking up to anyone. I hope you guys don think i said i was quitting just to get comments and stuff cos im not i really dont think it would be right to do that either. I didnt ask people to comment so if you want to say that go ahead.

I know i should ignore those people who say mean things to me, i really do i dont even know them, i shouldn't even care, i wouldnt usually care what people say or think.

You guys probably think im such a plastic person ( if that mkes any sense at all)
When people post things about others picking on them i just put ''ignore them, they are not worth it,  your beautiful...''  But when it comes to me i over-react and go bonkers well that's not the case. Im not usually like this when someone says something about me especially a random stranger. I usually only tend to over react when a friend says something. But it really got to me when this person put...

-why do you post about ur lyfe sayin u love a girl when its obvyous your just a faggot
no offense
if u really think anyone will go out with you your wrong and also i hate how you look why cant you do us all a favur and go  away be yourself dont hide wat u realily are-

I copy and pasted that so sorry for the spelling, i just thought it was some kid who likes going round being mean to random people. But the thing is i believe every word they say. Why do i? I do not know. I know it's a load of crap but what if it's true? Shame on me. Ive been lieing to myself?
I dont know.

What if i am gay?

Im not upset about what the people have been saying. Even though that's how it came out to be. Im upset because what they have been saying is what ive been thinking.

I hate myself for being so dumb. Im really sorry you guys must see two different people all an all happy person who loves life and friends thinks everyone is beautiful then goes depressed hates himself, thinks horrible things about himself and wants to die.

You couldn't possibly understand how im feeling right now. I wont quit. Im just trying to understand myself, who am i?

That's all i want to know i wont just ditch piczo. After all the hypes, comments and follows they could have gone to a better person but they didn't they went to me a quiet boy, who doesn't get noticed and misses his old self.

I dont want sympothy or attention. I just want friends.

http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/xXMissBoomboxXx <3 visit these sites for me please!! they are awsome and im sure you will love them.I could read them over and over :)
http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/ThursdayFires 

Yeah i think we are model worthy too :)

Today was superb!
Georgia keeps telling me she is truly sorry and i quite like the attention tbh.
I went to my Grans today and you know what they are like telling you all the story' starting with the words ''when i was your age.'' It gets entertaining and everyone thinks grand parents are boring but i like their story's. I like listening to all the interesting stuff they have to say about what it was like in their childhood.

My Grandma actually listens to Iyaz, Jason Derulo and all that crap. It's funny. She likes going on youtube and watching the latest music videos just so she's not too far behind with the world.

I love my Gran :]


Downside of today ...


Im having trouble deciding if i want to just totally quit piczo, there's a lot of people on here taking the piss out of me and sending mean mean messages. If you want to say something then say it on my comments so everyone can see unless it's a compliment because i dont have time for people who want to cause trouble.
Im really fucked off with the way everyone's faking to be someone they are not. Putting fake pictures up. And what really gets me angry is when people judge others even if they have never spoken to them. All you have to do is click the message button and we can talk make conversation. That doesn't include saying nasty things over the internet, sending emails calling me a dick and a fag. Yes if your reading this please stop it, i cant handle these names it messes me up  :L  I  dont mind you emailing me  i just get fucked off when you dont even know me and say that kind of stuff. So either get a life or stop getting involved in mine. :(


Quite proud of myself actually. I swore :) I never swear and i hope i never hav to again tyvm.

http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/xXMissBoomboxXx <3 visit these sites for me please!! they are awsome and im sure you will love them.I could read them over and over :)
http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/ThursdayFires 


Thanks for following me and hyping, commenting etc

http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/xXMissBoomboxXx <3 visit these sites for me please!! they are awsome and im sure you will love them.I could read them over and over :)
http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/ThursdayFires 
http://www.piczo.com/user/gemma-bean-95

Look at the filthy look she's giving me finding it hard not to laugh at my creativity with primark sunglasses :)
I talked to Georgia today she says sorry and it was just a joke she didnt mean to call me a faggot. She did mean to but she didnt want me to hear it.
So i forgive her. I dont hold grudge's and she's my friend after all. Im still peed off with her but it's too hard to hate someone you love. If that makes sense.
I can tell she feels uncomfortable around me and i woul too if i was her. 
After school today Yasmin hugged me and i could see Georgia hesitating whether to or not. 

Chav's
Emo's
Goth's
Ugly
Popular
Unpopular
Geeks
Muslims
Black
White

Stop stereotyping. Were all the same!

Georgia says that Bella's supposed to be getting pregnant in the next twilight or something like that. I find it a bit weird wouldnt she turn into a vampire if she does it with Edward? I mean if a vampire bites someone they turn in a vampire right? What the hell will happen if a vampire does it with someone? Slightly Scared

I dont watch twilight but just thought you should know how  feel :)

ok a question for you all
[Q] - What's with team jacob and team edward? 
Do you like twilight?
Do you prefer the books to the film? (if you have read them)
Which team are you on?

Il give you my views on it in my next post.
Haha sorry im aware that those were not just 1 question but do care to answer them :) thankyou.

 

The park :] friends.

EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS!! Im going out of my own mind.
Sorry for that shit picture ( i never say shit but im in a mood)

I was nice and warm in my bed this morning but at 9:35 The riverside tune went off, i have it as my alarm tone for school because it annoys me very much. But i didnt know i set it for today im lost with days so now im in a bad mood ive been awaken from my sleep by a sound that goes doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodooodooodooodoodoododo Riverside lets go etc. etc
Yer that sound.


Im going to have a day without girls today. I told Yasmin she cant come round and i told Ellie im going out and Georgia isnt really that bothered if i hang out with her anyway.
I just need a bit of guy time without friends im just pissed off. I cant believe i saying pissed i never say pissed :O


I was on the phone with Georgia the other day and Ellie and Yasmin were at her house and i was wonderng why they didnt invite me :/ I though ohh must just be having a sleepover or something girly. Then they put the phone down but the speaker was still on. You know when you can still hear them. And i hung up like 4 times but i could still hear them when i picked it back up. I think they didn't put the phone down properly If you get what i mean.

The thing im pissed off with is that i heard Georgia call me an annoying faggot. Yasmin laughed Ellie said aww leave him alone. I told Ellie yesterday and she said '' Georgia was only kidding she didnt mean it'' Yea why say it if you dont mean it?
I usually wouldnt care if people called me names like this but my bestfriends. It just makes me upset that they actually think it too. Ive known Georgia for 4 years whywould she say something like that?

Im not gay it's not fair. Ive told them im not so why do they not believe me. If i was gay i wouldnt like Yasmin.

Im in a very bad mood and am not talking to them for a while im going to revise for my exams then go to my cousins house for a bit.


http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/xXMissBoomboxXx <3 visit these sites for me please!! http://pic3.piczo.com/go/user/ThursdayFires 
http://www.piczo.com/user/gemma-bean-95

Ive already put this photo up but i cant be bothered to take a new one sorr piczoers

thanks for the follows and hypes comments and all that im really sorry i cant post everyday :(